


Heaven nor Hell

by LyricWolfe



Category: Death Note, Death Note & Related Fandoms
Genre: Afterlife, Alternate Universe - Afterlife, Angst, Apples, Cathedrals, Children's Choir, Gen, LxLight if you squint, Sad, Shinigami, Singing, Tags making it sound weird, i think you'll like it, it's not as weird as it sounds, lots of gray, sliiiiiiiiight OOC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-21
Updated: 2014-11-21
Packaged: 2018-02-26 13:09:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,878
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2653157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LyricWolfe/pseuds/LyricWolfe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Person Who Uses the Death Note Can Neither Go To Heaven nor Hell.<br/>-Death Note: How to Use It</p><p>This place I am in... it's too beautiful. And I know I cannot be in a place like Heaven. Or Hell.<br/>What else is there? What awaits me? Should I be scared?<br/>I am... scared.<br/>Am I?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heaven nor Hell

The person who uses the Death Note can neither go to Heaven nor Hell.   
-Death Note: How to Use It 

*****

Singing. Children singing in a choir. Angelic voices reaching high into the air and ringing like a silver bell. Their voices echo in the openness of the cathedral. It's so beautiful, I can't stand not to listen. The children... they are such lovely children. Their grand, yet gentle chorus of hallelujahs echo within me. It is quiet here. I am enjoying the silence. But, I suppose, one could not call it a silence since there is the sound of the singing.  
If I had to describe this place in one word, it would be heaven. I seriously believe that this place is heaven. This is a place where I would love to spend the rest of my existence. But then again, if this is heaven, then I cannot be here.   
I've used the Death Note. And the person that uses it can neither go to heaven nor hell.   
I'm starting to realize the gravity of that statement now. I remember it at first. I set it that rule aside, not caring whether or not I went to heaven or hell. All I wanted was to become God of the New World. I guess I may have figured that when I did, I would become the person to decide who goes up and who goes down. 

I couldn’t have been more wrong. I am lost now. I’m dead.  
At least, if I remember correctly, I am dead. Very dead. 

What was my downfall? How could I have lost? My strategy was flawless. There was no way that I could have been caught. That’s it, though, isn’t it? I became too cocky. I was too proud of my power. I gave myself away. I should have stayed underground from the start. Or not. It may have been easier to find me if I was underground. Working with the NPA for that time was a good cover, but it failed me in the end. Besides, if I had wanted to, how could I have gotten out of there? There is no way. Ever since I was cuffed to that cursed L, I had no way out. But I had to continue. I had to keep killing. Or I would have ended up dead much sooner.   
And Near. That little brat.   
If I were to ever get caught, I would’ve prefered that L would have exposed me. Not his inferior little pet, who wanted to be like him so desperately. It was pitiful to watch, and a disgrace to me and my power.   
I almost think, in the end, my arrogance is what got me killed. I must've given myself away prematurely. When we were there, in that warehouse. I was so certain that I had won. I think it gave me away, my confidence. What else could I have done? I was so close. I almost had won. 

Wait. What happened to the singing?  
The children are gone now. Row upon empty row is what faces me now. I feel a sinking. This can’t be. I want them to come back. I need to hear them singing. It’s so beautiful.  
It’s very heavenly. And that’s just it. I can’t have Heaven. I can’t feel heavenly things. I can’t feel love or joy. I can’t be a part of anything remotely beautiful, if beauty is heavensent. I am stuck in the middle. In the void of nothing as I experience neither pleasure nor pain. Empty and shallow. I never thought that it would come to this. That I would become this creature that belongs nowhere. Alone and unforgiven for my sins. 

“Strange. They left. It’s too bad, I was enjoying the music.”   
I whirl around to see a man sitting on the dirt.   
Wait. Dirt? The area has changed. A dusty clearing before me now. Cathedral no more, the dark skies echo emptiness around me. It’s very gray here. Very black. The air is heavy with cold, but it does not bother me. There is no wind. No movement. All is very stagnant. No plants and no light of a sun or star. Everything is simply very gray and flat. Under my bare feet, there is nothing more than dirt.   
“Who are you?” I ask the man, who stands at my words. Was he actually sitting? Now that I think about it, he wasn’t really sitting at all.   
“You remember me,” he replied in a smooth voice, not looking up from the ground. “Or, at least, you know my name, but you have forgotten that it goes to my face.”   
“What?” I scoff slightly, raising one eyebrow as I cock my head.   
“Everyone knows my name,” he continued, still not looking at me. “But they don’t know that it is my name.” Confused, I just let his statements ring in the still air, not entertaining them with words of my own. I walked over to the man, who held out a pale hand. I stopped, and stared at him. He raised his head, and I saw his eyes. Black, dead eyes. Tired and wise beyond their years. 

L.

“You cannot touch me, Light Yagami, for I am not here.”  
His smooth voice, calm and low, brings memories flooding back into my head. Memories of the case, the investigation. I was cuffed to this man for heaven knows how long. I watched him eat sweets beyond count but always manage to stay skinnier than what would have probably been healthy. I saw him pull deductions and theories out of his brilliant mind that sent me into shock and I hurriedly tried to protect myself from being discovered. I remember. I remember it all now.   
And I remember L.  
“Where are we?” I ask. L shakes his head once.   
“We are not together,” he replies. “I am not here.”   
“Well, then where am I?” I say, rephrasing the question. L does not answer. I stare at him as he turns around. He stuffs his hands into his jean pockets and slowly walks forward. His bare feet slightly turn up some dirt as he shuffles along. I walk up to him, then walk beside him. I look down at my feet. I am wearing my slacks that I always wear. My button up shirt too. But no tie. And no shoes. Why am I not wearing shoes? 

“Are you following me, Yagami?” L asks. I freeze up slightly at the tone of his voice. It was almost as if he was, annoyed with me.   
“I… um… I don’t know,” I reply, stuttering. What is happening? I am normally so good with words, but words are lost to me now.   
“Don’t know?” L questions further, his prying nature taking over.   
“Well, I guess I…” I drift off, not able to find words to say. To be honest, I don’t know why I am following him.   
“Oh, well,” L sighed, shrugging slightly. “I suppose it makes sense. I am the only other human here. Humans naturally gravitate towards each other, even if they despise each other.” I look over at him. He glances to the side, looking back at me with tired eyes.   
“I don’t despise you, Ryusaki,” I state. “I was simply trying to prevent being caught.”   
“My name is not ‘Ryusaki’,” he says back, as if what I had just said meant nothing. I look forward at our moving feet as we walk. Where were we going? There is nowhere to go here. It’s just dirt. Barren and endless.   
“Where are we going?” I ask. L is silent. I watch as he pulls out a piece of candy from his jean pocket. He unwraps the confection and pops it in his mouth. He is sucking on it quietly as we walk aimlessly. It’s impossibly quiet here. I’m not sure I can even hear myself breathing. Am I breathing?   
I hear a crunch underfoot. I look down. I gasp and jump back as I see a bone, now crushed from my foot. It disintegrates, fading into the dirt. I look up at L, who is still walking nonchalantly. I shake my head slightly and move forward. 

I have made a mistake.   
“You have,” L agrees. I jump. I didn’t say that outloud. Can he read my thoughts?  
“L, can you--” I begin to ask, but he speaks.  
“Light, I know it for a fact now,” he says, his voice smooth. “I have known it from the beginning. There is absolutely no denying it now.”   
“Known what?” I ask. L did not answer, and that was the last straw for me. “L, answer me!” He stopped walking. I stopped, having no reason to move unless he was moving also. He turned slightly to face me. As he raised his head to look me in the eye, I swallowed harshly. His dark halo of hair increased his height slightly as he stood somewhat straighter. We were face to face. Equals in every way now, for we were both dead.   
A sharp pain spread across my face. I stumbled back as I felt L’s heel hit me again. I gasped aloud, feeling a slight rupture in my gut as his knee slammed up into it. I fell to my knees. I glared up at him. He was looking down at me. I stood up and swung. My fist flew straight through him, as if he was made of air. He stared at me blankly.   
“Must I remind you, Light?” he sighed as he kicked at my knees, to which I fell. “You cannot touch me, for I am not here.”   
“Then how are you hitting me?!” I scream back, anger flashing in my voice. I rose and began to swing my fist at him. My attacks went straight through, utterly useless. I cried out in rage as I began to fight harder, trying desperately to land a punch. L watched me carefully, black eyes seemingly bored. I stopped as my limbs grew tired. I was panting.   
Then I felt his kick again, and I fell back to my knees. He looked down at me, past his black locks of hair. His towering presence intimidated me slightly.   
“We are the same, you and I,” he said smoothly. “We are both children. We both can’t stand to not be on the top of the heap. We can’t take it when we are wrong. We can’t take a beating without punching back. We can’t do it, because we are childish. We can’t stand to lose. But you have lost, Light. You were found. And the thought drives you insane, just as the thought that I had died without proving my case drives me insane. I will be honest here, Light. If I had found the notebook, I would have begun to do the exact same thing that you were doing. I would have thought myself justice. I would have tried to change the world. We are the same, don’t you see? We are both children, and now we are both dead because of it.”  
I glare up at him, and he watches me with inquisitive eyes.   
“Where are we?” I ask, not sure why the question popped into my head.   
“We are not both here, Light,” he says again. I cry out in frustration as I slowly stand. My gut aches and my knees shake slightly. I meet his gaze and glare with all my might.  
“Then. How. Are. You. Hitting. Me?” I growl, my voice firey. He glares back, and I feel a strange coldness come over me as I looked into his eyes. I had never seen him look at me like that. There was such hate in those dead, black eyes. It wasn’t a hate like mine; a hate fueled by flame. His hate was cold and dark like an abyss. I scared me, and I wished he would stop.  
“Because I dwell in Heaven,” L replied. “A place you cannot be. I am of Heaven, so you cannot touch me. Creatures from Heaven are not meant to feel pain. People in Heaven are not meant to feel pain. But you used the Death Note. You cannot have anything to do with Heaven. You cannot touch me. But I… I can touch you. I have nothing chaining me to a rock like a dog on leash.   
“Isn’t it unfortunate? That you let yourself digress to this monster? Do you remember how you once were, Light? How you were before the Note? You were going to be amazing. You could have been so much better than what you became. You became a monster. A bloodthirsty monster who could not stave his lust for death and destruction. Because while in the beginning your intentions may have been pure, they became warped in your obsession to beat me. It didn’t matter to you anymore. Anything to beat the almighty L. Even if it meant killing those who didn’t need to die. You became a monster, Light. And no monster can dwell in Heaven.” 

He turned and began to walk away.   
I fell back to my knees in shock as I realized where I was.   
“This is the Shinigami realm, isn’t it?” I call out as L continues to walk. He says nothing, but I do not get up to follow him. The sorrow of being here is starting to eat at me. It’s an emptiness unlike anything I could have ever imagined. I cry out in fear.  
“L!” I scream. “Please, don’t leave me alone here! I’m sorry! Please, don’t leave!” I feel a presence several feet behind me. I look at the ground in front of me and see a shadow that I hate to recognize. I hear the swinging of a metallic chain as the figure behind me let’s out a rasping, hissy chuckle. I reach out, my hand begging for L to turn around. I feel so heavy, so weighed down by the gray sky above me. My body feels like it’s going to sink into the gray dirt.   
I’ve made a mistake. I shouldn’t have tried to play justice. I should have never written that first name in the Death Note. I should never have let myself get so carried away. I should have left the Note where I had found it. I should have never tried to create a new world. I should have never accepted a name like Kira.  
Kira. Kira. Kira.   
The word, the word alone echoes around me. In many voices, some cheering some screaming. Loud and soft, high and low. Pounding and beating at my eardrums like hammers. My hands slam over my ears as I try to push the word out, but it grows louder. Louder and louder.   
Kira!! Kira!! Kira!!  
I hate that name!! Stop it!! Shut up!!  
It’s so loud, and my vision swims. My head is pounding. The horrid cacophony of sound is swallowing me whole, taking me down into a pit of sorrow and sin. I hate that name. Kira. Kira. KIRA.

It’s silenced as something falls before me. The creature behind me is gone. I look forward and see L crouching before me. I smile with relief as I see his dark eyes. His face is not sympathetic. He is sitting in that same way that he always has sat. It comforts me in the oddest way and I am suddenly grateful for the unnatural silence.  
But my joy sinks as he stands back up. I try to rise with him, but my legs feel like lead, anchoring me to the spot where I am kneeling.   
I hear a small thud. I look at the ground.   
“What’s this?” I ask, observing the slightly shining object in front of me. I pick it up and examine it closely. It’s bright scarlet contrasts with my hand the gray backdrop the dirt provides. I look up at L, who is watching me carefully.  
“It’s for you, Yagami.” 

Then, I saw something I never want to see again.  
L let a sly grin cross over his face. An icy chill of terror danced up my spine at the sight. It was so unlike him. It was so smug and evil. It was horrid to watch and tears streamed down my face as the thought crossed my mind. Maybe this isn’t L at all. Even if it is, he is smiling like the Shinigami I once knew. The Shinigami who wrote down my name is his own Death Note.   
But this is L. This is his smile. And it scares me.   
The red object in my hand grows cold like ice. I gasp as I see that my hand has turned into nothing more than skin and bone, rotting away like a corpse. The bright, red item is reflecting back my face, which I see in horror is turning the same way. My eyes are dulled into death and my skin is gray like the sky and the dirt. I scream in terror, sobbing miserably at my demise.  
"Why is this happening?!" I beg, sobbing. "Why did you give me this thing?!"   
Then, for the last time, I hear L’s smooth voice speak.

“Light, don’t you know? Gods of Death love apples.”

**Author's Note:**

> Well, there you go bros.  
> Hope you liked it. Please let me know what you thought. Comments and kudos are more than welcome. :) I'm not a huge fan of AN's cause I feel like a story should be able to speak for itself. :) But that's just me.  
> Peace.  
> ~Lyric~


End file.
